Wednesday, June 30, 2010

How to Not End Up Bitter

Things haven't exactly improved in the dating world since I wrote this article. Apparently the world not only needs tips for a successful date, but also tips on how to find a decent person to waste one's life with. While I have no idea how to describe the perfect guy, I can at the very least present a list of the five types of guys to avoid. Not that they're based on personal experience or anything...of course I'm smart enough to avoid these douchers.

1) The Bro
He can often be spotted wearing clothes that don't fit, driving a lifted truck, blasting hardcore rap, sporting white-rimmed sunglasses and may as well be walking around waving a Confederate flag. He should be avoided because he drives too fast, is incredibly into himself (so you'd think he'd dress better) and is generally uninformed about political issues.

2) The Kerouac Wannabe
While not as uninformed about political issues, the Kerouac wannabe is disillusioned about everyone in government. Because this hipster is convinced that he really is Kerouac, he smokes a ton of weed, spends a lot of time partying (and makes sure everyone knows about it) and treats women like objects without minds of their own.

3) The Drama Queen
When you see a friend's relationship status changing every other day, she is probably dating one of these. The drama queen is indecisive, sensitive and starts arguments the second he gets bored. It is impossible to be in a stable relationship with this one, so it's best to set yourself free the first time he lashes out.

4) The English Major
While one may expect this sensitive, Shawn Hunter-after-his-dad-dies-type fella to shower her with romantic poems and flowers, this guy ultimately proves to be too socially awkward to even know how to date. He fails to express his intentions or feelings, and may end up making you walk back from the library by yourself.

5) The Lazy One
"What do you want to do?" "I don't know; what do you want to do?" This conversation is never a sign of exciting things to come. If a guy really wants to prove that he is a go-getter who's willing to go out of his way to leave a positive impression, he will look up the movie showtimes himeself and know just the place to get dinner. The lazy one may know what he want, but has no idea how to get it.

As George Clooney says in Up in the Air: "I stereotype. It's faster."


  1. paige. i love you.

    & you are a beautiful writer :]