So What If I'm Shallow?

Today in one of my creative writing classes, I was forced to tell the class about myself. When I mentioned having been to London, I said that I spent a majority of the trip shopping and that when I was in museums and other historically significant places, I was thinking about shopping. ("Yes, self. You really should go back to Topshop and buy that sequin jacket. Oh, cool building.") My class scoffed in an incredibly obvious manner. I could practically smell the waves of condescension being sent my way.

My professor, along with all of my snotty, well-read peers, were appalled by my preference of clothes over more socially-acceptable-among-English-majors interests. I think this obnoxious reaction stems from that incessant need modern snobs have to put up an intellectual front instead of just admitting that they're not perfect. In a paper I wrote on Oscar Wilde back in April, I wrote, "Others denounce the act of being 'frivolous,' while Wilde celebrates it becuse it is better to flaunt one's true self than to be forced by society to put up a facade of moral righteousness to shield these shallow qualities." I loved writing that paper, not only because it was validating my existing beliefs, but because it reminded me that it's better to act like yourself, no matter how shallow he or she may be, than to put on a mask in order to impress an ever-judging society.

This is probably why I love Glee so much. Have I not talked about Glee enough already? The character Kurt Hummel (played by the talented Chris Colfer, whom I love and adore) is not afraid to be himself. He dresses better than anyone at his school and he's not afraid to wear something different or outrageous. Kurt certainly wouldn't be ashamed to admit to his English class that shopping is the best activity London has to offer.

I feel compelled to mention Clueless, which is one of my all-time favorite movies. Among all of her flannel and baggy pants-wearing peers, Cher wore fabulous jackets and cardigans, in addition to that epic Calvin Klein dress. As a woman of high standards, she knew that it's important to dress well, and was not ashamed to care about things that are considered by society to be shallow.

All of this whining leads me to conclude that no, Prof, I'm not going to write my next piece on how beautiful the trees in London are, because that's not how I roll. I'm going to write about how shopping in that five-floor Topshop made me feel like a motherfucking princess.

Why Sarcasm is Essential

Amanda and I are back and just as obnoxious as usual. This time, we would like to bare our souls, if we even have any at all. We would like to explain to the universe (or the two people who read this. Hi, to both of our moms!) why we use sarcasm every day of our lives.

Amanda says, "Mainly, it was in my DNA. My dad instilled it in me at a young age."

I could say the same thing, as my mother also has a dry sense of humor.

But we can't blame everything on genes. There must be other underlying reasons that explain why we rely so much on sarcasm in every conversation we are involved in. But what are they?

Sarcasm allows us to express, in a hilarious way, what others are thinking but are often too afraid to say out loud. These people are weak, cowardly and unimaginative. We are the opposite of all of those things. We find that it's refreshing when people joke about their real feelings instead of, as Amanda says, "getting mushy gushy and spilling their guts."

Some may say that this is our way of avoiding our feelings, and they would be absolutely correct. And to those people, we say go to hell.

By living our lives this way, we are constantly keeping people on the edge of their seats with our wit, charm and charisma. At times people may be intimidated by such enviable traits. And to those people, we say go to hell.

There are many fabulously sarcastic role models out there to inspire us. One of our favorites is the always witty Chandler Bing, who so wisely said, "I'm not so good with the advice... can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?" We choose to live our lives by this exact quote. We may not be the best advisers, but you can always rely on us to make light of the situation.

Another one of our heroes is Sue Sylvester, Queen of Hard Hearts. She once said, "This year I got myself a bit of an eye lift. And while they were in there, I told them to go ahead and yank out those tear ducts. I wasn't usin' 'em." We are looking into having similar surgeries performed on our increasingly useless tear ducts.

In conclusion, yes, we do use sarcasm as a defense mechanism and yes, it does put make others very uncomfortable, but us? We thrive on the discomfort of others. So, again, go to hell.

Love ya like a sister!
And that's the way Panda sees it.
(Panda is our celebrity couple name. Haterz.)