Amanda and I are back and just as obnoxious as usual. This time, we would like to bare our souls, if we even have any at all. We would like to explain to the universe (or the two people who read this. Hi, to both of our moms!) why we use sarcasm every day of our lives.
Amanda says, "Mainly, it was in my DNA. My dad instilled it in me at a young age."
I could say the same thing, as my mother also has a dry sense of humor.
But we can't blame everything on genes. There must be other underlying reasons that explain why we rely so much on sarcasm in every conversation we are involved in. But what are they?
Sarcasm allows us to express, in a hilarious way, what others are thinking but are often too afraid to say out loud. These people are weak, cowardly and unimaginative. We are the opposite of all of those things. We find that it's refreshing when people joke about their real feelings instead of, as Amanda says, "getting mushy gushy and spilling their guts."
Some may say that this is our way of avoiding our feelings, and they would be absolutely correct. And to those people, we say go to hell.
By living our lives this way, we are constantly keeping people on the edge of their seats with our wit, charm and charisma. At times people may be intimidated by such enviable traits. And to those people, we say go to hell.
There are many fabulously sarcastic role models out there to inspire us. One of our favorites is the always witty Chandler Bing, who so wisely said, "I'm not so good with the advice... can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?" We choose to live our lives by this exact quote. We may not be the best advisers, but you can always rely on us to make light of the situation.
Another one of our heroes is Sue Sylvester, Queen of Hard Hearts. She once said, "This year I got myself a bit of an eye lift. And while they were in there, I told them to go ahead and yank out those tear ducts. I wasn't usin' 'em." We are looking into having similar surgeries performed on our increasingly useless tear ducts.
In conclusion, yes, we do use sarcasm as a defense mechanism and yes, it does put make others very uncomfortable, but us? We thrive on the discomfort of others. So, again, go to hell.
Love ya like a sister!
And that's the way Panda sees it.
(Panda is our celebrity couple name. Haterz.)